Question about weddings

[Narcoleptic Insomniac]

I could google this but I figured it'd be more fun to ask here.

I've been invited to two weddings this summer. Both of them are old friends from college. I've never attended a legit formal wedding so I'm unsure about what are the social conventions for these things. One of them is a Muslim wedding if that matters.

Should I bring a gift? if so, how the fuck do I know what to get them? Can I just give cash? how much should I aim to spend?



Also, share your wedding stories, preferably tales of debauchery and excess.

[ginger]

I usually just give enough cash to cover what I think the food costs. I'm not compensating for the alcohol, if you want me to come to your shitty wedding then you can at least get me drunk.

Basically dress up like you're a million dollar man and leave the venue looking like a total piece of shit with 50% of attendees wishing they had never met you. If you achieve anything less than that, you may as well have stayed at home. Extra points if you fuck a bridesmaid.

[Narcoleptic Insomniac]

Yeah, I'm definitely shooting for those bridesmaid points. There won't be booze at the Muslim wedding but I think I might do the classy thing and bring my own in a flask.

[Donald]

Decent shirt, tie, slacks. You should be good.

Get drunk.

Don't make jokes about how the grooms life is over now, gets old real quick. Actually, it was old before the wedding started.

Check if they have a registry and where, and get the cheapest gift. If they were dicks and registered only expensive shit, get them a card with some cash. I sure appreciated that. Give them what you can reasonably afford. Doesn't matter.

Be careful If you decide to bring a flask to a dry wedding, our venue was real fucking serious about shutting it down if they found unsanctioned booze. Keep it low key if you decide to risk it. Respect people's boring ass special day.

[ginger]

Yeah, I'm definitely shooting for those bridesmaid points. There won't be booze at the Muslim wedding but I think I might do the classy thing and bring my own in a flask.

Coke.

[JFax]

If your muslim friend is arab you might need to make sure that your car horn is working. There are tons of arab immigrants in my home town and they drive around the city honking for about 2-3 hours each wedding. Increadibly annoying.

[MEAT]

Based on my extensive knowledge of such matters, I'd sneak an ak47 in and when no one expects it, empty a full clip into the air in celebration, they'll be delighted at the sensitive way you've embraced the cultural differences. Also something about trump.

[paranoidmexican]

How formal are the weddings? Like in a church or at someone's house? You don't necessarily need a tux, but don't wear a t-shirt and jeans obviously. A nice sort, slacks, and dress shoes will do.

As for the gift, when I got married pretty much everyone gave me cash and a card. Most had $100 (except my boss who gave me 500 lol) if they have a registry get what your comfortable buying. Our just don't give a gift, fuck em.

Fuck the bridesmaid,but try not to fuck the bride herself.

[ginger]

try not to fuck the bride herself.

Or...

[torontoflatlander]

try not to fuck the bride herself.

Or...

Take the righteous path and descend into legend. 

[Alex.]

I usually just give enough cash to cover what I think the food costs. I'm not compensating for the alcohol, if you want me to come to your shitty wedding then you can at least get me drunk.

Basically dress up like you're a million dollar man and leave the venue looking like a total piece of shit with 50% of attendees wishing they had never met you. If you achieve anything less than that, you may as well have stayed at home. Extra points if you fuck a bridesmaid.

This is so accurate. 100% accurate. If you don't know what to get them for a gift and they don't have some wish list, just give them some cash + the cost of your meal. I think I usually just drop off a card with a $100 in it if there's an open bar and the food's good. Make friends with people so it's not a terribly boring thing and get drunk, but not too drunk where you make an ass of yourself at their wedding.

Hopefully the DJ is relevant so hitting the dance floor isn't a chore but it's always nice to make it look like they spent their money well on the weekend warrior DJ.

I've never been to a Muslim wedding but it sound like proper garbage. Bring a couple water bottles with silver tequila in them instead and take a shit on the dance floor if they question why you seem to be acting strange.

[(jeff)]

If nothing else, just remember the day is about YOU. Act like it. Steal a gift, clog a toilet, tell the bride she's fat.

[Prodigal Son]

Bring your own gift label and put it where you ripped someone else's off.

[GUMP_]

Give cash. If they haven't been living together long enough not to have a house full of shit that's not your problem. $100 is about the normal.

[LeonLikesToRock]

An appropriate gift could be money, something from a registry but a real winner is something with a more personal touch. Like a nice, well framed, professional glamour photography portrait of yourself. Nothing too revealing, you want to make the viewer to imagine what you are covering with that well placed pillow. You should sign it and write a personalised message like "Have you still got my Breaking Bad dvds?" in gold marker for authenticity.